Life is hard….correction, Life is good!

Good Morning Everyone!

Well, I think summer is finally starting to show up here in good ole Minnesota. Yay!

The sun is shining, birds singing, almost all my plants are in the ground, we mowed our yard for the first time this season, life is good. It has been a really hard couple weeks for me and probably my family too. I have been in a funk and I think my husband has too.

Life is hard, really hard sometimes. Our house is disgusting, our yard was a wreck, our schedules are packed and our baby is on the verge of walking. Serious Calgon take me away time right now.

I feel so distant from my hubby and miss our dates nights so much! We have had to cancel them the past 2 Mondays and man, you can really tell. We seem out of touch, like something is missing. Add on top of that 4 children and a busy life and all of a sudden, you realize you don’t remember the last real conversation you had with each other.

I was trying to find funny things to write about but, really, life isn’t that funny right now, not even in the Schwab house. That sucks! The laughter is missing right now and I want it back!!!!! I miss my silly times with my husband and children. I miss just being happy for no good reason.

Really, sometimes, it really sucks being a parent. My husband is working his rear off right now, he was just pushed out of his office into a cubicle and he loves it because people don’t come and visit him anymore but, he is a loud talker and needs to be on the phone all the time and feels like he can’t now.

Life is in chaos at home and the house is even worse so, he has no place to come and relax either. Life is so hard!!

We are back to playing defense with the house, the yard, the children and our marriage. We need to get back on offense and start enjoying things again. Maybe it is just me, maybe I am just super sensitive right now but, I am snippy and crabby a lot of the time right now and also, very cynical and I don’t know why.

I hate that I can’t figure out our finances and where all our money goes every month. I hate that we have no bills but, somehow we have a TON of monthly expenses. I really am ANGRY that I am still paying $300 a month for stupid student loans for an education that will never bring anything but bills to our family. I really hate that I am paying almost double for my mortgage and I don’t think it is worth it. I love my house but, I think it is insane how much money we have to pay a month for it. I am even more mad that we have to pay all this money for it and so, it will cause us to push our addition back that much further.

Oh….I know our mortgage is high right now because they were super ‘nice’ and let us pay only what we could afford for 3 years while Steve didn’t have a job but, now I think they all suck poop that they won’t let us refinance and all they will do is ‘LET’ us pay back the past 3 years by tacking it on to our already high mortgage for the next 3 1/2 years. So now, instead of paying a somewhat average sized mortgage, we are now paying a mortgage for a house double our size.

Seriously, I bet we have the highest mortgage of all our friends and we have the smallest and cheapest house. (insert very loud and frustrated scream here).

Ok, I vented, feels good to vent. Just in case you who have been following me for a while haven’t noticed, I have been venting for a while now. Life is bugging me, people are bugging me and it is all I can do from just snapping at people so, THANK GOD for a blog. Where was this in high school and my college years when I was really stressing?!!

I am starting to feel a bit better and I am hoping life will turn around soon. I need to figure out what is causing the ‘funk’. I will say I finally got to take my bath this morning. Oh, yes, it wasn’t a shower but, I am finally a little cleaner and a lot less hairy than I was when I woke up this morning.

Granted, I had my 5 year old and the baby in the 5×7 bathroom with me and the baby dropping toys in and then her favorite bear. Plus, she was screaming at me to get in the tub with me but, I managed to wash my hair AND shave so, I am starting to feel like a new woman.

Then, after finally feeling clean, I pushed the baby in stroller while my 5 year old daughter rode her bike to school for the first time…without training wheels!!!!! That was a great moment not just for me but, for her too. We had fun, we talked a lot, I encouraged her up and down hills and because she is my child that actually listens, she learned some basic bike rules too.

I also feel a little bit better because I feel sort of ‘naughty’ and I came up with the idea of pulling our son and oldest daughter out of school for Friday and heading up to the cabin Thursday night instead of Friday night! I am not sure if I will have the guts to actually do it yet though. But, it is our baby’s 1st birthday on Friday and I don’t want to spend most of it in the car or with all the children gone. She loves being around those guys and I know they all would love to be with her all day on her bday.

So, I was on my way home when I thought of that brilliant plan and I walk past my son’s school on the way home so, I walked into his school and was going to ask if we could pull him on Friday when I saw no one was in his school…it was spooky. Then, I heard cheering from the gym and went that way. They were having a presentation of all the flags each classroom made for the celebration of our son’s school tomorrow.

See, my mood is already lifting 🙂 I love being around my children and seeing all the wonderful things they are getting to experience. I think a lot of my ‘mood’ these past couple weeks has been because our summer part time nanny wasn’t able to start when I thought she could. So, I had all these plans in my head of being able to be at the children’s schools, getting a bit of a break from the baby and focusing more time on myself and my workouts again. Now, I think my mood is lifting again as I just heard from her today and her cast is coming off and she is ready to start working next week!!!!!!!

Hmmmm, do you think that had anything to do with my mood?! Wow, seriously I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. Life isn’t’ hard, it is good….especially when you have help starting in a week. OMG, that was totally my problem. Wow, I feel like a new woman 🙂

By the way…can you all see the break in my blog when I got the update on our nanny?!

Well, ok then, I think my funny and uplifting blogs will be returning soon. Hope I didn’t lose too many of my readers during my funk.

I need to go, I have a lot of work to do and now all of a sudden, it doesn’t seem like such a burden.

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