Married Life: Our Separation Comeback Story
I hail from the beautiful island country of Antigua, nestled in the eastern Caribbean Sea. My husband hails from the tranquil island country of Jamaica, located in the northwestern Caribbean Sea. We’ve been married for 37 years and this is our story.
“…cupid at work.”
My husband and I met at church in Miami, Florida. I must confess I saw him first. I was a member of Upper Room Assembly of God Church in Miami, a small but upcoming congregation at the time and I was excited to be there. I joined both the Cleaning and Praise Team and was living my life.
However, one of those Sunday mornings during Praise and Worship, a visitor was escorted down the aisle and my heart skipped a beat. I scared and reprimanded myself all at the same time. But just when I thought I was in the clear, he was escorted to my usual seat and I was forced to sit in the next row. He had a calmness about him, not to mention handsome!
A couple of weeks went by and coincidently, the Pastor’s wife approached and asked if I knew Bro. Errol? I replied “no!” She probably noticed my expression and proceeded to describe him. My heart skipped several beats by then. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. She assumed we knew each other being from the islands, but little did she know, she was cupid at work.
The Pastor’s wife was a sweet, humble, and most of all, a people person. She made it her duty to reach out to everyone, and Bro. Errol was no exception! She wanted to invite him to the upcoming Outreach Quarterly picnic, and my mission was to execute it.
By this time, I was convinced that God was orchestrating something special and it was up to me, to make a move, but how?
“…if you want me for a husband, I’m yours.”
I drafted a friendly intro. letter and extended an invitation to Bro. Errol to the Quarterly picnic. I kept the letter for 2 weeks because I was too nervous and shy. I eventually mustered up the courage and awkwardly gave him the letter and walked away.
He called 2 weeks later, and I melted! A few more phone calls led to our first date. We talked as if we knew each other all our lives. I was very impressed with the seriousness of his Christianity. It meant everything!
Our friendship blossomed and within 6 months he boyishly said to me, ‘if you want me for a husband, I’m yours.’ I cried and of course, I said yes!
Two weeks later our engagement was official in the presence of my parents and siblings. We were united in marriage within 5 months and my dad was the Officiant.
“…settled into married life.”
Prior to our engagement, my parents returned to South Dade Florida, from pastoring an Assemblies of God church in a neighboring city. And prior to our marriage, I assumed my husband and I would continue worshipping where we met, but that wasn’t the case. He felt the need to support my parents in the establishment of a new ministry.
We pioneered the ministry from day one and settled into married life.
Two years later, God blessed us with a beautiful baby girl. We named her, Desirae Kelisha. Two years went by and again we were blessed with another Princess, we named her Crystal Nicole. Five years flew by and we were blessed with a bouncing baby boy. We named him Jonathan Edward.
“…27 years later… the unthinkable happened”
Life (family, ministry, work, not to mention homeownership) kept us going. Then “BAM” 27 years into our marriage, the unthinkable happened.
We became strangers (1Peter 4:12…some strange thing…).
Initially, I thought whatever it was would blow over, but it didn’t.
Eventually, my husband decided to move away, something he desired for us for quite some time. Our daughters were away in college, but our son was in his senior year in high school and I didn’t want to uproot him.
I promised to pull up roots after our son’s graduation, but the enemy was at work. I soon realized the enemy had an agenda and the motive was to “sift us as wheat” (Luke 22:31).
When my husband was alone, the enemy began to whisper defeat in his ears.
One day he called to inform me that he doesn’t want a divorce, but to consider the move as a separation. I heard separation and I was devastated, angry, resentful, cried, and questioned God.
“That husband you knew doesn’t exist!”
During my pity party, the Holy Spirit whispered, “thy brother shall rise again (John 11:23). I will restore him, but you must pray for him as your brother in the Lord because he was your brother before he was your husband. That husband that you knew doesn’t exist! I’m going to transform him, but you have to be prepared for him.”
By this time, God had my full attention. He made it clear that my husband wasn’t the enemy, but it was an attack and a force and I knew what that meant. I rose up with a new mindset and went into Spiritual Warfare.
During warfare, God convicted and showed me my faults as well and I had to stop the blaming game to allow the Holy Spirit to freely flow!
To my surprise, God was dealing with my husband miles away and told him the same… Amazing God!
My husband said, he was sitting under a tree with a cup of coffee and his bible, when God revealed Himself to him (John 1:48…when you were under the fig tree, I saw you.”) and ministered to his spirit.
A couple of weeks later, God sent mutual friends (who were like ministering angels) to pray him through victory.
“We allowed each other to grow…”
All of this transpired within 4 months, but it felt like 4 years. We apologized to each other and could hardly wait to talk on the phone daily.
In the fullness of time, we were reunited, and it felt right! We didn’t make any demands.
We allowed each other to grow and develop as we healed.
Overall, I was very impressed with my husband. His humility spoke volumes. Upon his return, he also apologized to our pastor and publicly to the congregation, asking nothing in return.
If I had any doubts, his action erased them. He humbly served until God saw it fit and allowed him to pastor a congregation for a season. It was the glue that we needed, and we bonded! It has been 9 ½ years and we couldn’t be happier!
“Don’t Let Go of Your Faith!”
To the couple that is going through at this time, don’t let go of your faith, trust God! You cannot fight flesh with flesh. You’re going to need the Holy Spirit to walk you through. Let go, be obedient and allow God to do what He has to do. If you’re asking for His help or you’re inviting Him into your situation, then be prepared to be obedient to what He’s asking you to do. In other words, it may go against what you want and what you feel but if you want God to do it for you it’s not about you anymore.
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