For as long as I can remember I’ve been dubbed a “peace maker” and “dependable”. To be honest I didn’t realize I had a problem with those descriptions till a few years ago.
But I didn’t really dig beyond the surface to see why it was a problem to me… until this year.
Uncovering the Truth
This past year I learned that my “people-pleasing” habits were rooted in fear of rejection.
I had a subconscious attempt to control people’s view of me so they would love me and care about me.
My brain said if I did “all the things” and showed up to “all the places”, people would see I was deserving of their love, attention and acceptance… maybe they would even support me.
That was a hard bottle of real deal pills to swallow.
By sacrificing myself, my time, my family, my interests, my gifts, and minimizing my worth = they will love and care about me more. Especially if I didn’t genuinely want to. I still forced myself to do it.
And THAT has been a big part of how and why anxiety has gripped me so strong. Worrying about other people instead of my well being. Even though it tore me up inside!
I had so much anger, frustration, and resentment towards people and things.
It’s twisted, I know, but I realize that’s what I’ve been doing for probably all my life.
I’m still trying to discover where that started (says the Therapist in me). Perhaps I’ll never know… or maybe I’m afraid to know. That’s for another therapy session :: covers face ::
The Gift of Affirmations
For the Month of November, I’ve been sharing my positive affirmations based off scriptures in the Bible.
Yesterday’s affirmation (Day 12) reminds me that first of all, I AM ENOUGH, without having to sacrifice myself. I’m enough “as-is”.
Those who truly “see” me, are the ones who will love and care about me, REGARDLESS of if I could ever do anything for them in return.
They just want to love me because I’m simply me.
And above all else, even if there was no one who loved or cared about me – I know that God does and always will. He literally gave up a comfortable life in heaven, to show us how to do this life thing, and then gave up His life to save ours.
That’s a whole lotta love… and it’s more than enough for me.
Day 12 – “I am enough. I am surrounded by those who love and care about me.” (Isaiah 41:10) #31daysofaffirmation
31 Days of Affirmations
If you haven’t been following me on Instagram and the Facebook Page, make sure you follow me to see the previous affirmations and to keep up with the rest for the month of November. Visit Instagram.com/SincerelyMrsMommy or Facebook.com/SincerelyMrsMommy
If you’re able to relate to people pleasing and the need to find better balance and boundaries, I hope you check out my recommended reads. I also hope that you find this post encouraging to know it’s okay to not be the end all be all for everyone. One of the greatest lessons in life I’ve learned, that peeled the first layer of guilt is that I’m not anyone’s savior – that’s Jesus’s job, not mine. Let that sink in.
I pray you find some freedom in that.