From Single Mom to Married Woman, My Journey Part 2 by Tamay Montaque

In part 1 of Tamay’s story she talked about being a shy late bloomer and becoming a single mom in the military. Part 1 ended with Tamay taking the advice of one of her Pastors, that she try online dating. You can read part 1 here – From Single Mom to Married Woman, My Journey

Single Mom to Married Woman, My Journey Part 2 by Tamay Montaque
Single Mom to Married Woman, My Journey Part 2 by Tamay Montaque

Giving Online Dating A Try

For a busy woman, single mom, and working professional online dating was another avenue that I found to meet men. But to me it was just another option to getting out there, meeting people, and maybe saying “yes” to a few blind dates (ugh! LOL).

I was willing to consider all options and always trust God because He knew the who and the when in His perfect timing.

So, I tried Christian Mingle and it was meh! So-so.

E-harmony wasn’t too bad, and I did go on a date with a nice man who I now call “The black Terminator”.

After a couple blind dates set up by my close friends and E-harmony taking my money I decided to take a break from online dating. By this time my daughter Jazmin was living out of state in Maryland, in school. I was a workaholic, actively serving at my church, Free Life Chapel and enjoying CrossFit busting my butt.

Life was great and even though I didn’t have a date, I was cool.

 

Tamay Montaque quote

 

Take Care of You, Tamay!

A very great friend and I were chatting and sharing our issues along with all the things we wanted to do. Then she asked how the dating thing is going and I said it isn’t and that I wanted a break, a vacation or some change in my routine. She suggested that I take a solo vacation to re-focus on me, take time to look at my life priorities, as well as discover another location.

That was some of the best advice I had received because it was for me and I realized that I needed to do a better job at self-care. Actually, she wasn’t the only one who said that, and I realized how many awesome women I knew were telling me to do just that. Take care of you, Tamay!

So along with my busy life bumping around, I started to plan and fantasize where in the world my solo travel destination would be. For a very indecisive person this travel plan was overwhelming because I couldn’t settle on a location. But I decided that I wanted to discover Iceland because of all the amazing landscape and because it was different.

river surrounded by rock formation, iceland
Photo by Daniel Malikyar on Unsplash

 

It was the summer of 2015 and I had been on one date that whole year. As I was putting more thought into a solo vacation, I couldn’t help thinking how come my dating life is so fruitless?

After a brief little pity party I remembered wise advice from Pastor Joyce Thomas to try match.com. But before I did, I prayed about it, my decision to go on a solo trip and about my life moving forward whether single or hand in hand with my unknown husband to be.

It was a pretty short prayer and I just really remember asking God “Well! What gives here??? I don’t know what else to do but I know you do so here it is. Amen.” I was sincere, and I did feel very content with it.

Third Site’s the Charm

Match.com is known to have many successful matches and I knew a few friends who met their husbands through this service. It is exciting at first looking at what they come up with and it’s also pretty comical because the majority of time I thought “Really Match! Nope. This guy?”

I did my best to not let it consume my time and I also initiated communication too.

Occasionally, I would look through the options outside of the matches and one day I saw a picture of a handsome guy with a bright smile on a beach during sunset. I read his profile, looked through his match.com pictures and thought “Woah! He is really cute!”

Then I sent him a message. And he replied!

We had an approximately two-hour conversation, laughed and said goodnight. He was really sweet, smart, funny and I was peaked to get to know him more. One of the things I appreciated is that he gave me his number and he felt that communication was super important in a relationship.

 

Howard Montaque on beach with sunset in back
The profile picture of Howard that stopped Tamay in her tracks! Photo by Howard Montaque

 

“One-Date-Wonder-Queen”?

After a few weeks with work and busy lives he asked me out on a date. He lived in Melbourne a couple of hours away, so we decided to meet half way in Orlando. We went to a place called East End Market which is a building that has a bunch of local small business food vendors.

I remember walking up and seeing him seated at a table reading a newspaper and I again said to myself “Uh huh! This guy is handsome.”  We talked about so much and enjoyed great food. He walked me to my car, and we said goodbye.

This is where I got a bit worried if I would hear from him again because I call myself a “one-date-wonder-queen.” But as some dating advice says it’s good to follow a date with a call or text telling them you enjoyed yourself (if you really did) and look forward to seeing them again. I sent a text and he replied that same feeling along with a sweet compliment.

Could He Be The One?!

This was the first of many exclusive dates and among them we did have the deal breaker talk, the what we want in our life talk and felt quite comfortable talking every day and going on dates.

As important my desire was to eventually get married, I did not want to push that with him and then discover that he wasn’t interested in marriage. We did share about our relationship past which was really enlightening but also was so important to understand each other’s journey.

 

Tamay and Howard on a date to see Star Wars. Photo by Tamay  Montaque

 

The date that really confirmed what we were discovering in each other was our date to see the Star Wars movie in late 2015. I asked him out, but he had to wear a costume! He thought it was a dress-up date, but it was more than that. It was, let’s have fun and will you actually do this with me. Truly memorable because we had our first kiss and our feelings for each other were deepening.

I could describe so many more things about this man, but the most important thing was that he became my husband, Howard, and I his wife.

The amazing journey to our loving status was so unique and filled with confirmation from our family and friends. We came from opposite perspectives about marriage and discovered amazing similarities on so many aspects of life.

Tamay and Howard Montaque Wedding Photo
Tamay and Howard Montaque on their wedding day. Photo by Dan Austin Photography

Our Imperfections < His Perfection

Only God could answer our hearts desire in such a way that only brings wonder to the power of prayer.

In so many ways from my 20s to becoming a single mother to becoming a wife, God shows me and us how His will for our life unfolds as long as we pray and trust Him. It’s not all roses and sunshine and there are horrible mistakes, dark days and valleys but without those moment I would not have the bright blessings and life He has given to Howard and me.

In our imperfections He shows us his perfection.

I hope this brings hope to anyone who reads it. My journey is so great, and I am thankful for the relationship with God that brought me to this present moment and will carry me in to the future one day at a time. Warmest regards and much love.

Sincerely, Tamay Montaque

If you enjoyed Tamay’s love story, and journey from a single woman trusting God, to finding love, you’ll enjoy these storied below from SincerelyMrsMommy.com:

A Love Story: Priya Murphy

A Love Story: Krystal Pierre

A Love Story: Eleana Figuerora

A Love Story: Shacondra Lumaine

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