Can I be honest with you? I believe I’ve been struggling with a bout of loneliness. I regularly talk to friends and family via text and social media, but there are days that I still feel lonely. That sounds like an oxymoron right? Or maybe you get it? Spending time over the phone or internet is just not the same as spending time together face to face. As you keep reading I’ll explain what I’m talking about, the value and need for girl time, plus some ideas of how and where to find some friends you can hang out with, in person.
Alone vs. Lonely
What’s the difference between being alone and feeling lonely? Alone is physical; no one is present with you. Lonely is a mental/emotional state of being; a feeling of disconnection to others, usually with feelings of sadness.
I don’t have a problem with being alone. I’m an introvert so I need alone time to recharge, refocus, reflect and regroup. I just need some time alone to “just be”.
In the past few months, I’ve often told my hubby that I just want to go away and be a “nobody” for a few hours. Not a wife, a mother, a blogger, a mom boss… I just want to be me. When I get to do that, I come back home feeling refreshed and recharged.
I Need Some “Girl Time”
However, what I’ve come to realize is I’m also craving the same thing, but with my girlfriends. Not a strategy session, not counseling, not mentoring, not an event, or a meeting. I just want us all to relax without our titles and roles, and “just be”.
A few weeks ago for my birthday, I had some girl time with two of my college gal pals. Even though we haven’t seen each other in months, it was the best time! Pedicures, lunch, a little shopping, organic conversations, laughs… we were free to “just be!” And I left feeling just as refreshed, if not more, as I do with my alone time.
That day confirmed why I started the Mom Chat last year (2018). A safe space for mom’s to “just be” women, without the kids, the husbands, the titles, the roles. It was to be a time to hang out, enjoy the company of old or new friends and have some organic conversations about life without judgment. I didn’t want a schedule, specific topics to cover or to sell anything. I wanted us all to “just be”.
Lesson Learned, Now Let’s Move On
I know that many of you can relate to the fact, that life, proximity, and availability makes it difficult to meet up with friends on a “regular” basis. I now know more than ever how hard it is to intentionally keep and make friends that fit your lifestyle.
Or even if you moved, or had to let go of some toxic friendships – either way it’s hard making new friends. Honestly, it would be so much easier to go solo on a lot of things. Especially if you’re shy or plans just don’t work out. However, this little lonely season of mine is reminding me of something important.
Anything worth having that brings value to your life, you have to work for. All relationships whether romantic, familial, or platonic take work. Working on new friendships or taking old ones to a new level requires you to do a little more than wait for friends to just come along.
How to Make and Keep Friendships
- Step out of your comfort zone – Visit places or accept invitations to events you normally shy away from. See some examples in the next section.
- Speak up – Let your current friends know you miss them and schedule some girl time.
- Create what you want – Choose an activity and send out some invites. Brunch, Lunch, Painting, Clothes Swap Party, Netflix binge, pool or beach day, whatever.
- Be friendly – You never know who you’ll end up meeting when you’re out running errands.
- Follow up – Think of it as a date, but platonic! If you went out with someone new/newish and you swapped contacts follow up and let them know you had fun and would love to hang out again. Then suggest another activity to try out and get it on the calendar asap!
Where Can I Meet New Friends
I polled my social media friends/followers and here are some of their suggestions on where to meet new people and make new friends:
- Kids School (PTA, class activities, bus stop)
- The waiting room of the dentist/vision/medical office
- Church, Volunteering, and Small Groups
- Friends of friends
- Social Media (Instagram, Facebook Mom Groups)
- Community Mom Groups (MOPS, Fit4Mom)
- YMCA or Community Recreational Center
- Kids Park
- Apps (see the list below)
- Running / Walking / Dancing or other Exercise groups
Friend Finding Apps
And if you are still feeling super shy – thanks to this article by Cosmopolitan here are a few friendship apps they recommend:
- Peanut (for mom’s to meet other mom’s)
- Bumble BFF (make a bio, upload pics, swipe through your matches)
- Hey! VINA (like “Tinder” for (girl) friends)
- ATLETO (for athletic and exercise buddies)
- Nextdoor (let’s you know everything going on in your neighborhood)
- Nearify (shows you local big events to attend)
You can read more details of 11 Apps That’ll Find You New Friends in No Time on Cosmopolitan.com
We Can Do This!
I wish you and I braveness, rekindled or new friendships, and a lot of fun girl-times in the near future where you all can enjoy each others company and “just be”. Happy Friending!Now that you know I’m looking for some friends, find me on Instagram or on Facebook