Here are 7 valuable and practical tips I’ve learned over the past 7 years of marriage.
Becoming one does not happen overnight. It’s a process to blend two lives, two different personalities and upbringings together. This is inspired by the book entitled, “Will of a Man and the Way of a Woman: Balancing and Blending Better Together” By Robert and Pamela Crosby. Fun fact: the authors were mentors to my husband Kevin and I back in our college days!
Know Your Personality Traits
He needs his space. I am an extrovert, that means I get energized by being around people, Kevin is an introvert, he gets energy from quiet time. It’s not bad or good, it’s just what it is.
Be patient. If he doesn’t see things my way, I don’t have to pop off. Take a deep breath, say it again in a way he understands, not in the way I need him to understand. Still working on this.
Be kind. Kevin stopped me in my tracks one night before we went to bed and said, “You’re nice to everyone but me”. I was so offended and embarrassed all at once because that week it was so true. I was patient and kind but the moment I saw him, there was no more keeping my cool. Your spouse deserves the same kindness you share with everyone else. Give him or her your best, not your rest!
Be funny. After 7 years, I can look at Kevin and say “I like this guy, he cracks me up!” We laugh in bed, we laugh at inside jokes, we laugh in the pews or in the US Customs line at the airport. Marriage is hard, life is hard, comic relief is good for us both.
Romance and Intimacy Are Important
Romance and intimacy are important. Dating your spouse is important, it never gets old. It’s ok to be creative, sexy, spontaneous or well planned when it comes to a romantic date night or even date day (those are fun). Still dating, still honeymooning 7 years later.
Communication is Vital
Communication is vital to this thing staying afloat and healthy. Communicate on your best day and on your worst day, I have learned this has built trust and intimacy in our relationship. This also leads to a sub-point below.
Bonus: Study Your Spouse’s Communication
Study how your spouse communicates best. Study the best timing and their mood. Commit yourself to be a life long student of bae! I want to always be open to learning about Kevin.
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