Written by Desirae Ofori. Updated from original post on July 29, 2017.
I’ve always agreed with the advice that once you get married, you should keep up with the dates and activities you did together while you were dating. If anything, they should be magnified. I love this quote from my friend Gabrielle Miranda “What you did naturally when you were dating, must be done intentionally when you’re married!”
Sometimes, we have to take turns being the initiating spouse. Instead of waiting around for your husband to be the romantic one, be bold and romance him. Mix it up! I think many times “tradition” leaves us stuck and frustrated. As years pass in a relationship we may get comfortable, but we also change and evolve. What worked in the beginning may not “do it” for you now. Our husbands can’t read our minds, and (for the most part) we know or have an idea of what we want. As wives we can remove the guessing game by taking the initiative to rev up our love lives.
We could be introducing our husbands to things they never would have thought of, and may find themselves really enjoying!
- I have heard from men (including mine) that they like to feel loved and be romanced. If this is the case, then I think this is a PRIME opportunity to do the things that WE would like to do as a couple. Yes, keep what they like in mind too, but you can also bring in something new and unexpected. Plan a date to that new restaurant or winery that you’ve wanted to try. Sign up for that art class. What about an adventurous day trip? Put together a weekend trip or stay-cation at a local Bed and Breakfast.
Since I loved the old school feeling and effort of love notes my husband and I used to swap in the early days, I decided to take initiative and be intentional. So I created the Love Note challenge and decided to make enough prompts for 14 days. I wasn’t able to find a complete list of prompts that I particularly loved. So, I borrowed some and made up my own.
Here’s how the challenge works.
Each day for 14 days you’ll fill in the blanks on a note card, index card, post-it, etc. Place the note in areas around the house where he would be able to find them. Ideas of hiding places could be his drawer, shoes, wallet, on the mirror, lunch box, the car, etc. Don’t make it difficult, just easy places where he WILL touch or look at within some part of the day. You don’t have to say that you’re doing a challenge either. I think the suspense is the fun part.
Tag along a Friend
In an attempt to hold myself accountable, I extended the challenge to two other friends. We didn’t tell our husbands what we were up to. I think that was the most exciting part for the three of us, seeing their excitement over the notes.
I have to admit, probably by the end of the first week, we were losing steam. However, it helped to have my girls support, because we wanted to see it through and support each other to keep going. Side note: it’s very valuable to have friendships that support you to excel in your marriage.
Did the Love Note Challenge work?
At the end of the challenge I was very proud of myself for completing it. And it turned out to be more beneficial to me, by causing a shift in my heart and mind. It forced me to really think of some fond times easily forgotten. It caused me to pause and think about my husband, not for what he could do for me, but what I could do for him. This challenge allowed me to see how blessed that I was to have him, what he brings to our marriage and how much more rich my life is because of him.
My friend Abby said, “It has helped me have more compassion and grace… it made things lighter and fun, not so heavy and serious.”
Referring to the disappointment when the ‘desired responses’ slowed down, my other friend Shacondra said, “I was immediately convicted. I thought about all the love that God provides us unconditionally… and often isn’t reciprocated. God doesn’t do it for the response. He does it simply because He loves us. Period. Nothing more, nothing less.”
Accept the challenge!
Alright wives! I’m extending the challenge to you! Take the 14 day love note challenge. Do it not only to show love to your husband, but to shift your mind in how you view him and how you express love to him. You may discover your husband to be a new man that you fall in love with all over again. Or you’ll be the Shero for bringing lightness and fun back into your marriage.
Be sure to stop back to comment or send me an update on how it went!
If you’re interested in more marriage tips and advice check out these two from our Married Life series: