Written by Desirae Ofori.
As I read Day 15 “Ego Monster” of my Awaken Devotional, and prepared to respond to the days journal prompt, it really got me thinking. The prompt asked if we’ve sensed pride creeping in lately and what were some proactive steps we can do to slay it.
I started to reflect on some conflicting feelings and thoughts I’ve been having over the past several months, probably years. This thought came to mind and I immediately wrote it down.. “Love people for who they are not for what they can do for you or your ego”.
When I realized this, it felt like a punch in the gut and seeing the sun for the first time without shades. Here is my proactive action to slay this pride, by owning it, putting it on “blast” and down “on paper”.
Here I’ve been walking around feeling hurt, perplexed, disappointed, ignored, and disregarded by people I felt didn’t need me anymore because I no longer had anything to give them. When in reality I’ve done the same thing, I accused them of.
I put my worth in their hands, doing all I could to gain their attention & approval. I sought some of my highest praise and accolades from them and at those times it made me feel good about myself… as if I had more worth than the next person because I was “seen” and “valued” by them.
But at the end of the day, the big deal isn’t whether my accusations are true. What I now realize to be true is that, I used them to feed my pride and my ego. And when there was nothing left to feast on, I felt starved and abandoned.
I wondered why I couldn’t let go of this internal battle. What’s been holding me? Loyalty? Pride? Or hope, that they’ll “see me” again, or even see & accept the “uncaged & evolved me” for the first time.
Instead, I should be allowing God to be my source to validate who I am, my worth, my gifts, my talents, the value of my time and service. Now that my blinders are off, I feel convicted, embarrassed and somewhat ashamed.
But yesterday I said I chose to forgive myself the way I hoped others would forgive me. And honestly it’s not my business to know if they’ll forgive me or if they’ll once again see me.
I just need to learn from this life lesson, move positively forward and do as my quote says. “Love and get to know people for who they are, not for what they can do for you or your ego”.
I need to forgive myself, and accept God’s forgiveness and assurance that my value is found in Him.
I also need to remember it is possible to love and care for someone from afar, even if you never hear or know that it’s reciprocated. Show people how to love, by being love.