My Life After Divorce: How to Survive and Thrive
My life started in a small town called Russellville, Kentucky. Growing up from a little girl to a young lady, and even up until the present, I have learned a lot about life. As far back as I can remember, I have always desired to have the fairytale life we all used to witness on the television. My all-time favorite TV relationship was on the soap opera, “Days of our Lives”. Hope and Bo were the “It” thing and an idea of what I wanted.
After graduating from High School, I really wanted to go into the United States Military and continue my education. I went through the entire process, but while doing so I asked God if this was something He wanted me to do? And if not to please bless me with a man that’s already in the military, that travels and loves to do the same things I enjoy in life. God answered my request. At the tender age of 20 years old, after two years or so of dating and courtship, I became a married woman.
Divorced, Now What?
He and I were married for 17 years and then walked through a divorce. This is one thing I never envisioned for my life at all and found myself asking God, “What now?” In that moment I became closer to God even more and realized I had to rely on Him for everything. I had never lived out on my own at this point, not to mention, in a big city, and without any family. “What am I going to do?”, was the question at the forefront of my mind.
I decided to walk through this process in silence while hoping and believing he and I would eventually reconcile, but it never happened. God allowed me to move from the city in Florida where we lived to another one, and I recall telling God I can’t do this. Leading up to the separation and divorce I had to focus on finding me and although it was difficult and painful God graced me to start moving forward. Oftentimes we stay stuck, confused, and controlled by our circumstances until we decide to stare fear and rejection back in their faces and begin to deal with them.
It Takes Two to Win
During my journey, I realized that I wasn’t taught correctly how to be a wife. I was brought up in the church; stayed in the church all the time. We were a part of the C.O.G.I.C. church (Church of God in Christ). I carried a lot of the inaccurate teaching into my relationship. Don’t get me wrong, foundational principles are key, and we were taught those as well. However, God desires that we prosper and be in health in all aspects of our lives. I really needed more.
I “almost” fell into victim mode during my process until real closure took place. This process taught me humility and how to be more sensitive to the needs of others. I was separated for two years before my divorce and really struggled with the idea of being divorced and how much God hates divorce. And yes, this is true. Divorce is like experiencing a death, according to Malachi 2:16. However, there are some things God will allow it for, one being, Infidelity. It takes two to win. Being married those 17 years were not all bad because I had great in-laws and to this day have nieces and nephews who I still care about and vice versa.
Life as a single and attractive young woman has been challenging. I wondered to myself “How can I go from married to single?” Drawing closer to God is key, even though, your flesh will talk to you and distractions will come just keep drawing closer to God. Yes, you may fall short, but don’t stay there. In my ten years of being single, many successes and blessings have and continue to come my way. God’s favor has surrounded me as a shield and carries me through repeatedly.
Moving Forward and Thriving
My personal ministry, Women of Warfare Wins Now, or better known as WOWW NOW was developed through my journey of various struggles. I experienced things like rejection, abandonment, insecurity, depression, and fear, just to name a few. Someone out there may be experiencing some of these same things, but I want you to know you are an OVERCOMER through Jesus Christ!
One thing the Lord allowed me to tap into while going through my process is Fitness! I am an advocate for movement in all areas of our lives, so exercising, and my love for dancing became very therapeutic for me. It was also a goal of mine to become a Certified Life Coach, which I did accomplish. So I meshed together my love for fitness and movement with my Life Coaching Skills and out of that “BAM”-Believe and Move, a motivational platform birthed as an extension of WOWW NOW. I am a certified “BAM Coach”, this came to me after winning over my obstacles, and I realized without the small successes I couldn’t believe and move.
Over the last two years, I have been actively pursuing entrepreneurship and have been successful. I am also a full-time student, enrolled at Ohio Christian University (OCU); maintaining a GPA of 3.7. I made the Dean’s List my first year. Starting school at age 45 years old was very frightful because of finances, however, I believe God that my education will be paid in full before I graduate. This had been one of my lifetime goals and I’m determined. I currently have other projects in the pipeline for 2018. I am persevering above disappointment.
“Will I ever love again?” Absolutely! I tell young ladies and people I mentor to never settle. People may tell you to relax your standards because they are too high, but don’t worry about that. Never settle. Do you to the fullest while you wait. Become and be what Daddy God desires for your life. Be vigilant and never become bitter because of the other person or your previous choices. Live your life with balance according to Ephesians 3:20, and give back by paying it forward.