Many of you know that this past December, I left my job to become a full-time entrepreneur a.k.a Mom Boss! You can read about that experience here: I Fired My Job and Hired Myself. I was ridiculously emotional about it, a lot more than I expected and gave all kinds of reasons why I thought I was. But not one of them included pregnancy hormones… until I took a pregnancy test that evening.
Baby Maybe? Yes or No?
So, earlier in 2017 I stopped taking birth control because we (Sam and I) thought it might be one of the triggers for my increase in anxiety. I figured it was a good idea to stop because birth control hormones and I have always had a battle. Also, we thought that maybe 2018 would be a good time for another baby. We were in the mindset of “In His timing”. I really didn’t want to pressure myself with the tracking and routine of trying to conceive like I did with our son Samson. However, towards the end of the year, we started to talk more seriously about me leaving my job to pursue my passions and entrepreneurship. We also had some other big transitions coming up on Sam’s end, so maybe a baby for 2018 wouldn’t be a good idea.
Oh-Oh, I Think I’m Late!
On Christmas morning I realized I was late – way late, a few weeks late. But I didn’t want to take a test because 1: it could just be delayed by work stress. 2: I used to have irregular cycles. 3: I’m scared because I’m about to leave my job.
We decided I’d wait to test when we made it back home from our trip.
So later that week, I finished my last day of work and on my way home I bought a test – so I could test on New Years Day. But something inside just wanted to get it over with and I didn’t want to think about it all weekend. I bought the test, picked up Samson from Daycare, came home, started dinner, and slipped away while Samson played, to take the test. And right away… that pregnancy line popped up, fast and dark!
I was in complete shock and it took me a couple of minutes to realize that it wasn’t even the control line that had popped up first. I just stared at it – and then my mind went a million miles a second. I walked over to the sink and slid down to the floor in front of the cabinet. It felt like I went through a hundred emotions- shock, nervous, scared, excited, happy, hopeful, worried, then again shock. What was I going to do!? I just left my job, my new insurance at Sam’s job isn’t guaranteed yet. I’m not making any money. How are we going to afford prenatal care and what if this blog and my art business don’t pick up enough income by the time the baby comes!? AGGGGH!
And then Samson walks into the bathroom, and I look up at him while I’m still sitting on the floor. I look at the test and show it to him and say, “Samson, Mommy’s going to have another baby”. He looks at it, pauses, then says, “okay… blah blah blah (toddler gibberish)”. When I checked my calendar of how far along I might be, I was in more shock. I was already 6 weeks 5 days pregnant – about to turn 7 weeks – folks that’s nearly TWO MONTHS PREGNANT! And I DIDN’T KNOW!? I was like Omgosh I’m like really REALLY pregnant! I decided to keep the secret between me and Samson so I could have some time to process. Truth be told, I was also scared to tell Sam.
How Do I Tell My Husband?
The next morning, I took another test and yup there it was positive still. Sam wasn’t home so I wrapped them up (don’t worry they were dry) in washi tape and put them in a mini box, gift bag, then put it under the Christmas Tree. I was able to find this “Everybody Loves a Big Brother” shirt at Walmart on clearance. Samson was supposed to wear it but he was taking a nap by the time Sam came home. I told Sam there was an extra gift under the tree for him. He was surprised. Then he opens it up super suspicious looking. I was super nervous. I thought he’d say I needed to get my job back or ANY job. I didn’t want him to regret our agreement for me to be a full-time entrepreneur.
Yet he wasn’t upset. He actually smiled and even though his heart and mind were probably racing, he didn’t show any concern on his face, which was a huge relief to me.
I’m a Pregnant Mom Boss – Now What?
You know what’s kinda crazy though? As we began to share the news with friends and family – the majority of them said they already knew. Either they had a feeling or they sensed it, or had a dream about it… including Sam (he confessed weeks later). Everyone but me knew! I guess that’s a lesson in itself. Don’t get so caught up in the hard seasons of life that you forget to pay attention to the blessings brewing in front of you. There are blessings all around us, in ways we can’t even begin to see if we’re always on GO!
We have already seen some blessings come out of this pregnancy, and how the timing is working out in our favor for this new season.
When this post goes public, I’ll be officially 16 weeks (4 months) pregnant. I’m still striving (if not more motivated than ever) to make some income from the blog and my art business. I’m learning a lot about myself and that I’m stronger and more resilient than I give myself credit. I’m also still soaking in the reality – I don’t think it’s fully hit me yet – I’m having another baby! I haven’t done any baby prep yet. I
‘m more focused on trying to find new and smarter ways to grind and hustle this Mom Boss thing. I’m even looking into finding a temp job. It’s going to be kind of complicated to find a regular job at this stage. My hope is that once the baby is here, I can ease off a bit from the grind and have some passive income rolling in from what I’ve produced. Lots of plans and ideas still in the works. I’ve got roughly 5 months left and a lot of work to do. Shameless plug – hire me, sponsor me, or contact me about running ads on here! LOL
You know what, when doubt and fear start to roll in, I remind myself of this. Although the timing of this pregnancy is unexpected and makes no sense but all the sense at the same time- at the end of the day God’s got us. This baby, this life, this soul is no mistake. Its’ what we said we wanted at the beginning of last year – we said in His timing. I even put it on my vision board in December (Didn’t know I was already pregnant when I did that either). He’ll always make sure we have what we need as a family and to welcome this little one into the world.
I’m so grateful for this baby. He or She is definitely our biggest blessing of 2018, and the mark of a new and greater chapter in our lives. Little Baby O, you’re a constant reminder of answered prayers – even when we forget what we pray for or try to change our minds. God’s timing is best, and you are deeply loved and wanted. We’re excited to meet you in August!
You can connect with Desirae in the comment section below, @SincerelyMrsMommy on Instagram and Facebook, or SincerelyMrsMommy@gmail.com You can also check out Desirae’s work as a freelance Artist on her Facebook Page DeKelis Custom Art and Designs.