Why I Do What I Do: Being a Mother
Life has lots of moments that make you realize what you were made for. For some it takes a lifetime, for me I knew from the very beginning. I wanted to be a mom, the desire burned inside me. I was four years old when I told my mom, “when I grow up, I want to be a mommy just like you”. From that moment my mom prepared herself for the day that this would happen.
I was only seventeen when I met my best friend. But prior to this I had made myself a promise. A promise to remain pure until the day I married my husband. I had boyfriends in between, and yes, it was difficult at times to stay true to this promise but I remained pure.
I met my husband in England on a mission trip with my family. We were there for a month so it was easy to make friends. When I returned home, I had a message from this guy that I had befriended from a church that we had done ministry in. I let the message sit a while but finally wrote him back. We carried on with our messaging and he asked me to be his girlfriend. This quickly escalated into him flying over to America and proposing. My dreams were beginning to come true.
It was shortly after our proposal that I felt the Lord speaking to me and reminding me of when I was four years old again. I felt this urge not to go on any kind of birth control…Yikes! I know what you’re all thinking, not even married yet and already thinking about kids. Yes. The scarier thing for me was, “how in the world am I going to have this conversation with my fiancé?” Well, I thought the best place to do this would be to casually mention it to him while standing in line for a ride at Disney. Maybe he wouldn’t be put off by the idea… After all, we were in the happiest place on earth right? Wrong! I was totally kidding myself. He was in complete shock. But He did say that we could pray about it together and see what God said closer to the time of our wedding. Well, I already knew- God said YES. But I waited patiently.
During our nine month engagement Ben came to me and said that if I felt that I had heard God say that this is right, he would trust me. So we took the first step into our destiny. Two months after our wedding, we found out were pregnant with our first. On June 8, 2014 India Monroe Clarke came into the world at a beautiful 7lbs 2oz.
Six months later we felt the urge again. We trusted God together, so we were in this together. We made this promise that no matter what, we would trust God with my womb. And in January 2015, we found out we were pregnant with our second. It’s wasn’t easy. We had a lot of people give us their opinion. So many people thought I was crazy. But God said to do this. And nine months later, on October 3rd we had a beautiful little Boaz Benjamin Clarke weighing in at a hefty 8lbs 4oz.
A few months after Boaz was born, we felt that the right thing for us to do was to not stand in the way of us getting pregnant. We neither avoided getting pregnant or tried to. We simply left it up to God. In June 2016 we found out we were pregnant with our third, Ezra Jensen Clarke. He was born on March 22nd, weighing in at 7lbs 4oz.
Every birth has been a special experience but there was something different and unique about my last one. This one made me realize my calling as a mother. As I sat in the birthing pool, breathing through each contraction, I thought about why I was doing this- why God asked Ben and I to trust Him with my womb. It wasn’t about a desire or what I wanted, it was about what I was made for. I was made to bring this baby into the world.
Though I may not know yet why God chose me to bring these beautiful babies into the world, I know it was for a greater purpose than just being their mom. And as that final push came and Ezra popped up out of the water and into my arms, this overwhelming sense of love came over me- I was fulfilling my purpose in life. When God calls you to do something, follow the urge and desire and watch your beautiful life unfold. It might not be the life others may think you should be living but it’s not their life or even yours, it’s God’s. It may not be the easy option but the rewards of living a life for Him is totally worth it.