Birth Story Part 1: Faith > Fear
If you read my prior post, you saw my confession that when it comes to life, I love to be “prepared”, in control or have some version of it. Being prepared and knowing my options, helps me feel calm and gives me something to grasp. Otherwise, I feel like I’m free-falling. I LOVE everything pregnancy and childbirth related. So when we started trying for Samson I was on research overload. I know I overwhelmed by husband, Sam with the information but he was still supportive in his own way, and I’m thankful.
I always wanted to be a Mommy, but with my low pain tolerance, I was scared about having to push a baby out. Also, even though I was afraid of having an epidural, I knew I was even more afraid of the pain of childbirth. A close friend of mine suggested I read Supernatural Childbirth and I’m so glad that I did. It transformed my mind regarding the fear of labor and delivery (L&D). For once in my life, I looked forward to it without fear but instead with excitement. I even started looking up positive Birth Stories, for an extra boost of confidence. Honestly, it never made sense to me why women loved to share “horror” stories with pregnant women about L&D. Misery loves company? Who has the biggest “war story”? I don’t know. To me it doesn’t help anyone. Especially a hormonal first time Mom. Everyones’ experience is different, so how about spreading encouragement instead. I mean if you must, share, but end it on a postive note. Everytime someone spoke negatively about the process, in my mind I blocked those words. I’d mostly just smile, nod and block it mentally, reminding myself, “that is not your truth”. No weapon formed against me shall prosper (Isaiah 54:17). Life and death are in the power of the tounge (Proverbs 18:21). Nope. Sorry Ma’am. I’m not accepting that!
I learned early on that even though I was excited and knew what I was believing and praying for, not everyone could or wanted to grasp that. It was okay though, because I knew that even if by chance it all didn’t work out exactly like I dreamed, I would still have a beautiful testimony and a gorgeous healthy baby in the end. It would be my story, my experience, and no one could take that away from me. Only a handful of people besides my husband knew the extent to what I was praying for, and looking back I love it that way. My biggest prayers were for little to no pain, a short labor, no tearing, and that baby would be strong, healthy and safe throughout the entire process.
Besides the book, the biggest influence to me was my Grandmother Mildred. She birthed 7 children, naturally without pain medication. My mom also did it 3 times. Whenever doubt tried to creep in, I would remind myself of them. Especially my Grandmother. If Mama could do it 7 times, and come out okay, I could do it at least once! She’s 81 years young and remembers all of her births so well! She is so encouraging and strong in her faith, it really motivated me to not give up on what I was praying for. No matter waht anyone said or thought.
BIRTH PLAN A: An un-medicated, natural water birth at home or in a Birth Center. The atmosphere would be calm, soothing, with dimmed lights and soft worship music. Positive birth affirmations and scripture would be read aloud, helping me to stay focused and calm. I would use my birth ball as needed in the early part of labor, and then finish in the water for delivery. After delivery we would have delayed cord clamping for at least 10 minutes and baby would be immediately placed on my chest for skin to skin bonding. Baby would nurse, we would have time to bond, and then Sam would cut the cord. Baby would then get cleaned up and we would take a magical herbal bath and we’d live happily ever after… Baby, Mommy and Daddy.
BIRTH PLAN B: All of the above, minus the water birth, with delivery in the hospital.
Even after consults with an in home Midwife and Birth Center, we ended up choosing the hospital route. I visited two seperate hospitals within 10-30min from my home. Remember, I like options! LOL! I asked a ton of questions at the Hospital walk throughs and received enough answers to make me feel comfortable with obtaining positive experience. I even switched Obstetricians in the middle of my pregnancy. I wanted a Doctor who would respect my desires, who wouldn’t pressure me into premature medical interventions, and who was up to date on new/different techniques to help with L&D. Options, you always have options!
I just want to encourage you if you’re a pregnant woman, or are waiting to conceive. Do not give up on your dreams! There may have to be a Plan B or C or D, but do not give up on your prayers, hopes and dreams. If people are filling your head space with negative words, don’t waste energy fighting back, just mind block them. Once again, life and death are in the power of the tounge (Proverbs 18:21). Do not give anyone the power of speaking “death” over your situation. Their truth is not, your truth. Anything is possible, miracles still happen daily!
So how did it all turn out? Read my next post, “Birth Story Part 2: The Birth” to find out.