I’ve started this blog and this very post a thousand times in my head and even managed typing out a couple of private “rough drafts” for the perfect first post. However, I realize just like motherhood,
sometimes most times, you just have to go for it, and not look back. It’s now or never, so here we go! There’s no way to be prepared for every little thing. Yet as scary as that may be, in those unprepared moments, you learn and grow the most.
I never realized how um, controlling, I was in life. Not until my son, Samson was born and I caught myself being the hovering mom. I never noticed the signs even though they were blaring above my head. I just wrapped it up to wanting to be as prepared as possible. I “needed” to know every option available to me, and the million ways those they could play out. From the beginning of TTC (trying to conceive) and pregnancy, I studied Pinterest, blogs, Youtube videos, Instagram pages and hashtag searches dedicated to TTC, pregnancy and childbirth. I even started a seperate anonymous Instagram page (Journey2Mommyland) to track my journey and connect with other women who were in similar waters. The anonymity did not last long as I began to develop friendships; my incredible cyber support system. I could be transparent of what I was going through, without fear of judgment. They were willing to hear out my concerns, offer advice and easily share what they learned from their own experiences and research. Shout out to my IG TTC and Mommy friends!
So, was I controlling? Me? Nooo, I was just making sure I was prepared! Ha! I had another thing coming. You see life, especially motherhood has a way of teaching you things about yourself that you never realized. Especially if you allow yourself to pause long enough to self-reflect. Labor & delivery, postpartum healing, sleep deprivation, hormonal rollercoasters, first-time-mom second guesses, middle of the night feedings, nursing sessions, baby’s first cold, teething, trying to re-connecting with your husband, returning to work, attempting to be social, trying not to compare with other moms… the list goes on and on.
As prepared as I thought I was, I couldn’t understand what was before me, until I was in the midst of it- living it. As hard as it was, has been, I still have to remind myself, I don’t have to have it all under control. I don’t have to know all the answers and options. I don’t have to be perfect. I don’t have to compare or be like the mothers in my family, my mom friends, the other mom bloggers and vloggers. God has equipped me daily with what I need for my baby, for my husband, and for myself. One of the biggest lessons, I’ve learned is pause, trust your instincts, and go with the flow. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with trying to be prepared. Some preparation is helpful for backup knowledge in your pocket just in case. You don’t want to be swimming blindly. However, don’t forget that great motherhood does not require you to have it all together and “picture perfect” at all times. I honestly think that picture perfect isn’t a reality for any mother. The fact that you have the desire to love, protect and nurture your child is huge enough. Always remember that. You’re more than enough, you are equipped and you have what it takes. Let go and let that inner Mama flow!
On that note, let me go flow to bed, so I can refuel for when baby boy wakes up… yes he’s 9 months old and still not sleeping consistently through the night. But it’s gonna be ok! Let flow! He will one day and we will rejoice; but that’s for another post ;).
Sincerely, Mrs. Mommy